Life would have Been Paved with Good Intentions
by kelseasc413
Summary: Disclaimer: I own nothing. What if Rose knew Jack's intentions when he let her stay on the door? Would her actions have changed anything?


Chaos reigned everywhere. Not only did the frigid water stab me from all sides, but panic built inside my chest as I felt the cold sink deeper into me. I was in the middle of the ocean, miles away from land, in freezing water struggling for life with hundreds of other panicked passengers. And there was no hope in sight. The lifeboats were invisible from the surface. And for those left in the water, there was not much time left. But the worst moment of that night so far made imminent, hopeless death in the middle of the North Atlantic pale in comparison. Seconds after the ship had slipped beneath the surface of the water, taking those left on board with it, I felt Jack's hand slip through my fingers.

Somehow, he managed to fight his way back to the surface and save me from a passenger who was intent on drowning me if it meant he could rise above the water slightly. But I knew that I could still lose him that night, and that thought was more frightening than death itself. It felt like an eternity had passed, although likely only a few minutes had passed, before we were lucky enough to find a door floating in front of us. If only we could get out of the water, maybe we had some hope for survival. I climbed on top unsteadily, but when Jack tried to join me, the door began to sink. He slid back into the water and swam around to the end of the door, saying something about taking turns staying on it.

There was a resigned look on his already blue-tinted face that scared me. I suddenly realized what he was resigning himself to. He knew the lifeboats would be slow in coming here, and he was sacrificing himself for me. I looked at him with a combination of horror and determination,

"No. I am _n-not_ going to let you do this."

"W-what?"

"You're not g-g-going to die because of m-me." With that, I steeled myself and slid back into the water, gripping the opposite side of the door. The pain of the cold was even more prominent after a few moments of relief, but it was worth it in my mind.

"What are you _doing_? G-g-get back on the door!"

"No." We slid closer to one another on the long side of the door. I gave him a grim smile, "If I-I didn't listen to you about the b-b-boats, w-what makes you think I'll listen now? On th-three we _both_ get h-h-halfway on, okay?" He nodded, evidently realizing it was useless to keep arguing with me. I'd made my decision. I counted to three and we both slid our chests onto the door. I felt immediate relief from the stabbing of the water, oddly enough on my entire body, not just the part out of the water. Numbness settled in on my lower half; I couldn't feel my legs anymore. Where were the lifeboats? The risk of getting swamped by the suction of the sinking ship had disappeared minutes ago. And already the screams of those around us were growing weaker and stopping altogether.

I couldn't feel my body anymore. The terrible screams that had permeated the air earlier had all but stopped, leaving a far worse silence in their wake. I began to lose hope that the boats would ever come back. It seemed sure they would leave all of those in the water to our own devices. My body seemed to accept the fact that I would die here, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. It had stopped shivering and I began to feel almost comfortably numb.

But, somewhere apart from my resigned body, I still felt the need to survive. I refused to let this claim me. I kicked my senseless legs desperately, hoping to restore some kind of sensation. The door moved slightly and I felt a vague pins and needles sensation beginning.

"Jack…" I croaked, hoping to warm him slightly too. I worried when he didn't respond; I panicked when I saw his eyes were closed. _Just sleeping, just sleeping _I thought desperately. Then I saw his chest rise and fall slightly, and saw his breath in the cold air. I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. _Thank god_. He was alive, for now. But he was obviously in a much worse condition than mine. _No wonder, he never even put on a life jacket. Or a coat for that matter. _

I carefully slid completely off of the door, making sure Jack stayed balanced on one end. I swam over to the side and carefully pushed him so he was lying completely on top of it. I got back to the long side and continued kicking my legs, hoping to regain some lost body heat. I had to stop all too soon, fatigue finally taking its toll on me. So I waited in the water.

After an eternity of waiting, I heard a distant voice calling "Is there anybody alive out there?" I wanted to scream for help, but when I tried, the words came out as a soft croak. I would never be able to get the boat's attention this way. The thought of rescue brought with it a rush of new strength and I managed to push the door through the water once more, making a point of splashing loudly with my legs. I finally saw the glare of the light from the boat shining on my face. The boat turned reached us quickly. I pushed the door in front of me to be sure Jack was safely in the boat first. Once he was brought in, I was lifted from the water as well and I lay down on the floor of the boat, next to Jack's unconscious form.

I rolled closer to Jack in the lifeboat, needing to assure myself that he was truly alive. I laid my head on his chest and let out a relieved breath when I heard his heart beating. I realized it was very early in the morning and that I should probably get some sleep, but I was too cold from the water and shaken from the tragedy of the night to consider it. Besides, I was far too comfortable lying on Jack's chest, feeling the slight rise and fall of his breathing, watching his breath rise into the sky and dissolve.

The officer continued to call out for other survivors, but I knew somehow he would not find many. The lifeboats had waited far too long to return to the site of the sinking, and in doing so, had doomed hundreds. The world was mostly silent. The only sounds that came through to me were the oars moving through the water, the officer's cries and the haunting lack of any response, and the heartbeat beneath my head. When the most important of the sounds I heard stopped suddenly, I sat bolt upright, shocking the other survivors in the boat.

"You should sleep, dear. There's nothing more to be done now," one of the well-meaning women said. I looked at her wide-eyed for a split second. How could she even suggest that I could sleep after all of this? I frantically pressed my hand against Jack's chest. The heartbeat that had kept me comforted for the past minutes was gone. _No!_ I pounded on his chest with my fist in frustration. After all we had survived together, running through the quickly sinking _Titanic_, finding one another after it sank, and staying alive long enough to be rescued by the lifeboats, how could this happen? A dead ringing filled my ears, drowning out the attempts at soothing words offered from the others.

I sank on top of him, laying my head on his chest again, and felt tears run down my face. The future I had hoped for ever since I changed my mind this evening ran through my head unbidden, impossible now. My head unconsciously sank lower into his chest as my broken dream played over and over. Moments later, it rose again. I froze. I was not moving. I turned my face toward Jack's and saw the fog from his breath once again rising. Hardly daring to hope, I shifted and pressed a hand over his heart. It beat again. I tried to say his name, but my voice refused to work.

I pressed myself as close as possible to him under the blankets covering us, hoping my body heat would revive him faster. The woman who had spoken before touched my shoulder in a comforting gesture. I turned my head slightly to face her. "It's all right now, dear. Please try to sleep."

I shook my head jerkily. I knew it was probably irrational, but I believed that if I took my attention completely off Jack again, he would be lost, permanently this time. My voice was still dead, but I managed to convey to the woman, "I can't." She looked at the expression on my face, and then glanced at the wedding band on her left hand, beginning to twist it uncomfortably and look around the ocean surrounding us. I knew she understood.

Now all I could do was wait, praying I would have the strength to keep Jack alive until we reached help. The sounds of the belated rescue attempt continued to ring out, but I kept myself deaf to those irrelevant noises. I locked my eyes on Jack's face, watching his breath and listening to the heartbeat that had become the center of my universe.

I refused to sleep the rest of the night. How could I, knowing that at that moment Jack was battling for his life? Instead of falling asleep, I was lulled into a state of semi-awareness, hardly noticing what was happening around me. It felt like I stayed that way for years, although it was only hours. I slipped in and out of awareness, jerking myself completely awake every now and then. Finally, I heard those around me exclaim that a ship had been seen. Hope filled me, and I dared to sit up and look for the ship. Sure enough, the lifeboat had pulled up beside another ship, _Carpathia_, through frozen lips.

Soon afterward, the crew of our rescue ship threw down a rope ladder and lowered a sling for those incapable of climbing. I made sure Jack was secure in the sling before I shakily climbed the ladder. As soon as I was brought aboard, someone wrapped another blanket around my shoulders. I saw Jack being pulled up over the side of the ship and set into a stretcher. I began to walk toward him, but my sleepless night had taken its toll on me. My head spun and the last thing I saw was the deck of the ship rushing to meet me as I fell.

I partially regained consciousness a moment later and felt myself being carried off. I could only make out a few of the words of the men around me.

"…in the water…no wonder…in this state,"

"…drop off…hospital…can't imagine,"

At this point, unconsciousness took me again, but this time, I dreamed.

_I was back in the frigid water where the _Titanic_ had sunk minutes before. But this time, I was not actually in the water. I was lying on my back along a paneled door that was part of the debris from the ship. Even though I was not directly exposed to the water, luckier than most of the passengers around me, I shivered. My damp hair had frozen almost completely to the door and it felt as though a thin sheet of ice covered my entire body. I sang haltingly and quietly to myself as I awaited rescue. Almost as though I was observing myself, I suddenly recalled the song, the one Jack had whispered to me when he taught me how to fly. How could that moment, so different from the awful suffering of the present, have only occurred hours ago? At least I had realized my true path before the sinking. Although I knew fully I was likely to die this night, I believed the alternative, waiting for rescue with the others and having nothing to look forward to but a loveless, life-sucking marriage, was far worse a fate. _

_Suddenly, a bright light shone on my face. I heard the officer in one of the lifeboats shouting "Is there anybody alive out there?" Jack was right, the lifeboats were returning. We would be saved. I turned over to tell him. But why was he in the water? I was disoriented. Why had I taken the one piece of shelter in the area for myself? I touched his hand, which was frozen to the door. I whispered his name, but he did not so much as open his eyes. I shook his hand this time and tried to raise my voice. There was still no response. He couldn't be…no, I wouldn't allow myself to think it. I tried again._

"_There's a boat, Jack," I croaked brokenly. But he remained silent and deathly still. It was then I noticed he was not breathing. Just when I thought this night of tragedy could be resolved, fate decided to take the one person who truly cared for me away. But I had promised him I would not give up my life so easily. He must have known what would happen then. What had I done? Those four words rang through my head over and over as I let Jack drift to the bottom of the ocean, as I reminded him of my promise, as I gained the attention of the lifeboat, as I was carried away to be rescued. What had I done?_

I jolted awake abruptly, breathing heavily. I was not entirely sure the events I had just seen were a dream. I kicked off the covers of the hospital bed I was lying in and clumsily lurched out of bed, only succeeding in tripping and sprawling on the hard wood floor.

"Miss, you need rest. Please get back in bed," one of the nurses said, helping me up.

"No, I need to find somebody…they must have taken him here," I said incoherently. I had to keep telling myself that what had just happened was only a dream. I did not know what I would do if my dream was real. I struggled away from the nurse's hold and looked wildly about the ship's hospital. I lurched unsteadily forward when I saw a blond man lying in one of the hospital beds at the end of the room. _Please, let it be him._ As I got nearer, I let out a breath I had unknowingly been holding. "Jack!" I ran toward him, tripping again, but catching myself on one of his bedposts. I crawled over to the side of the bed and leaned my head on his chest again, reveling in the sound of his heartbeat and breath. The nurse was right behind me, looking frustrated, but also relieved.

"Is this who you've been looking for?" she asked softly.

"Yes…please, can I stay here with him?" I asked. She did not answer at first; she just pushed the adjacent, empty hospital bed close to Jack's. She put her hand on my shoulder in an almost motherly way.

"But I am going to have to insist that you get some more sleep," she said. I nodded wearily and climbed into the other bed. I settled deeper into the blankets, happy knowing the last thing I would see before drifting to sleep would be Jack's face.

_A/N: I decided to combine all the chapters I had up so far into a single chapter…the ones I was posting were ridiculously short. I'm planning on continuing this eventually. My problem is I'm not all that great at romantic dialogue. Mine usually sounds way too cheesy. I'm trying to get a beta, so if anyone had someone to suggest, let me know. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and read so far!_


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